NLP lessons: rapport
secrets for establishing rapport
Creating and establishing effective rapport is the first stage in the building process of a warm relationship.
This is known as ‘breaking the ice’, but goes far beyond casual conversations on sport, free time, etc.
You will be astonished when you will learn with NLP-3 how to make it happen spontaneously using concepts like mirroring, matching and leading.
To fully understand the idea of rapport we need to consider the definition of its achievement conditions. You should imagine the condition of ‘rapport’ as a state of fellowship feelings existing between two people. This state tends to make communication much easier and more effective.
IF THERE IS NO RAPPORT COMMUNICATION HAS OVER 95% PROBABILITY OF RESULTING INEFFECTIVE
mastering contextual rapport
In this section you will learn why it happens that while you are perfectly capable of establishing a strong and long-lasting rapport with your closest friend, you face problems socializing with your neighbor, or with some other person. Discover what it means to be in rapport with yourself (internal rapport) and with your favorite barman at your local pub (external rapport) and how it’s possible to establish an effective rapport with those with whom you live in close contact.
external rapport & internal rapport
Always keep in mind that nlp-rapport isn’t only a question of affinity between two people; in it’s highest form, it is also a question of ‘rapport’ with yourself. This means that the interlocutor is happy with his feelings and thoughts towards the approach. When this complete state of rapport is reached, communication gets quick and effective. Whenever a person is in such a state of satisfaction within rapport, they will readily accept ideas that are pleasing to them, and at such level of nlp-rapport ideas are more easily delivered in a pleasant shape.
critical-factor & NLP-rapport
You have already experienced the so called “state of rapport” many times—for example, whenever you felt attraction for an actor in a movie. You have reacted even though you knew that it was a fictitious story and that the actor was being well paid to play the role. For a second you have been able to halt your “Critical Factor,” accepting the ideas expressed in the story. What exactly is “critical factor”? You can consider it a social behavior, by which we accept or refuse an idea that is suggested to us. The idea is normally refused if it is against what we have already learnt from other sources. In other words, critical factor is the mechanism by which we adhere to a pre-agreed social model (considered by us as the so-called “reality”).
If we weren’t able to deactivate this mechanism and alter pre-agreed social behaviors when necessary, we wouldn’t be able to adapt ourselves to changes in our surroundings.
Surely you aren’t discovering anything new by reading through these pages: you have been in a “state of rapport” plenty of times already. To illustrate the concept of “state of rapport” we can use an example from the movie “E.T.”, the alien that accidentally landed on Earth. Most people who watch the film feel sad when the alien apparently dies. In reality they are feeling sorry for an electronic puppet.
The effectiveness of movies and television messages would never be achieved without first establishing “rapport”. Movie-directors call this “personality development.”
You need to be able to worry about the personality before you can react. You need to develop a reaction based on sympathy before you can emotionally respond. Once “rapport” is established you will be led into the reality of the movie’s world, which is different from your daily reality. The creation of rapport renders the possibility of an emotional response from the person we want to communicate our needs and ideas to.
how to establish NLP-rapport by modeling, matching, and leading
Basically, the foundation of a relationship is mutual understanding, which also means the ability to predict certain respective answers; this allows the relationship to maintain stability. How can we possibly build a relationship with someone that we don’t know yet? A good way of establishing “rapport” is to reflect the other person’s behavior so that trust may grow.
You can do this by using Modeling, Matching and Lead techniques.
NLP-3 modeling techniques
Modeling is the most known and most used of these three techniques. It simply consists in taking on the positions (conceptually with ideas and physically with posture) that you would like your interlocutor to take on; by acting in the way you would like them to act and by saying the things you would like them to say. Use questions that will provoke them into answering positively in the way you want them to respond. Model the type of behavior you want them to emulate and you will show them the way to make a positive decision.
By Modeling, you are demonstrating by example, by showing the way. You are clearly showing them what you expect them to do. With someone who is depressed, without enthusiasm or lacks interest even for things that are beneficial to him, you can model how excited you are about the subject you are trying to put through and what it can do for you and for others who could enjoy it to. You should be enthusiastic, open and positive, making pauses in your conversation to allow the interlocutor to react to the situation you have described.
NLP-3 modeling is an excellent technique to use when “rapport” has been established with your interlocutor. Above all, it is effective when there is a necessity to bring the interlocutor out of a particular state of mind or chain of thoughts and suggest a more suitable situation to him. We also need NLP-3 modeling to help our interlocutors to obtain the products that they should have and that we can provide.
When you model and the interlocutor follows, you have reached a high level of “rapport”.
The effectiveness of NLP-3 modeling is basically due to the following factor: when you establish a relationship, roles are defined in stages; with nlp modeling you suggest roles and create such a positive expectancy that you can push your interlocutor into taking on the role that you are suggesting to him: that of a satisfied client with a good relationship with the seller—where “buying” and “selling” don’t refer exclusively to economic transactions, but to all type of human transactions, ideas being also goods of exchance in the realm of human social relations.
NLP-3 mirroring techinques
If your interlocutor doesn’t follow you in modeling, move straight on to mirroring. Mirroring is another technique that very quickly establishes “rapport” with another individual. Use this technique when you want to demonstrate that you understand your interlocutor’s point of view and that you are in agreement. By mirroring, you demonstrate being on his side, and that you appreciate what he is saying, with the words you use and the body language you adopt. It has often been said: “customers worry about what you know, but above all they want to know how worried you are”.
Make sure your mirroring is not excessive. Subtle mirroring of your interlocutor’s body movements shows liking. People who agree, quite often take on similar body positions and mannerisms; they unconsciously use the same hand movements. They tend to breath and speak at the same rate. If our interlocutor is anxious or depressed, you may not be able to change his state of mind with modeling. Often it is better to get in tune by taking-on his same habits, sympathizing with him. Mirror his position and emulate his tone of voice. Remember, “Misery loves company”.
Nevertheless, once you have reached the stage of “rapport,” start to use positive and pleasant suggestions in order to slowly operate change. Change your posture slightly; be more excited. Watch, your interlocutor will start to follow you. His way of acting will change to reflect yours.
Be rhythmic and establish tempo with the interlocutor. This is often done at the same time as modeling. When you establish tempo, you can lead your interlocutor towards a goal. The best way to obtain this is by asking questions at a pace that is easy for him to answer, at a comfortable level. Don’t go too fast nor too slow. It needs to be done at the correct beat. Move at the same tempo as his state of mind and his way of doing things. Doing so, you become involved in the interlocutor’s state of mind, almost as if you were inside it, and you penetrate the emotional strata of the interaction.
Moving in harmony with the other person’s “vibrations” is a very high level of communication .
a detailed matching exercise
While you are with your interlocutor, take note of his breathing rate and try to change your tempo to match it; you will notice a strong improvement in your communication.
Remember—even though you may yet still don’t agree with this—first impressions are lasting! These impressions are permanently stored in the mind and are very difficult to alter. Change requires many attempts, repetitions and a lot of time.
An initial approach has two main aims:
Throughout this NLP-3 approach (using modeling techniques, mirroring and tempo), while you are displaying your initial observations, you will create a trusting atmosphere, which will make your potential client open to your proposals. During these preliminary stages, or, better still, second preliminaries, you need to get your client to listen actively. By acting carefully, you will condition your customer to logically consider your proposal and to emotionally want everything that you have to offer.